Yes, it has been 8 weeks since I last took my anti-anxiety pill (although I’m still taking my anti-depressant)… and it has been 8 weeks since I experienced any form of anxiety. Now I experience anxiety because there is a reason for me to feel this way – which doesn’t happen often. And it’s not a default feeling that I get whenever I wake up in the morning. For that, I am grateful, thankful, happy, celebrating, and feeling blessed.
I honestly don’t know what to make out of this – my anxiety seems to have gone away suddenly… for now. I know 8 weeks isn’t a long time… but if you had asked me some 9 – 10 weeks ago if I could ever imagine that one day I would feel the way I am feeling now… I would say NO. And so, I am enjoying the present… and I hope and pray that this will last for a while… a long while!!
I was asked recently by my shrink if I knew what had contributed to this recovery… was it the medication that I have been taking… or the talk therapy that I have been receiving? I answered, “both”. And after walking out of his office, I realized that I had missed out an important component… and that was PRAYER! After all, I do believe that God heals, and I have been praying that God would grant me healing from this painful journey in my life.
I now feel normal and I am able to function normally – at home or at work. I am able to contribute during weekly staff meetings and I am able to carry out conversations with my colleagues over lunch without feeling anxious. I am able to joke and laugh again. I am able to clown around with my kids. What a change!
I have also experienced other changes in my life! I remember there was a period of time when I complained that I had brain fog… and I was contributing the cause of it to the medication that I was taking. Then, I found myself ruminating and over-thinking a lot, and my mind just couldn’t be at rest regardless of how hard I tried. I would distract my mind by reading or surfing the internet. Sometimes it worked but and many times it didn’t. And then there was a time when I found it hard to write, and whenever I wrote anything, it would look like the handwriting of a primary two (2nd grade) school kid. Would you believe that I couldn’t even sign my name on the cheque without messing it up… 3 times? Finally, I would feel anxious just to utter public prayers. I hated it whenever I had to pray because I just couldn’t string my thoughts or verbalize what I wanted to say.
You know what…? Although those challenges seemed so real to me at that time, they are now a thing of the past … all the challenges that I experienced came and went. And this gives me hope… hope to know that whatever challenges that I encounter or experience as a result of my mental health right now… will eventually go away in due time.
Am I on the road to recovery? I certainly hope so. It’s been 8 weeks… and I look forward to the day when I can say, “It’s been 8 months”, and “It’s been 8 years”…!!